Dear Can't Bear: I think that it is extremely difficult to lose a beloved family member. I think that you are going through a normal mourning process.

I also think that your husband is right: that it is good to focus on the good times. That's often easier said than done. Nevertheless, I recommend that you try.

I also recommend that you try to not feel guilty about not being with Bentley when she passed. It wasn't your fault. There was nothing that you did wrong. It was just an unfortunate set of life circumstances. Don't waste good energy on something that you could not control.

I do think that you should spread Bentley's ashes at her favorite places. Let her spirit be free. I believe that it may help you feel a sense of closure. It is not good to spend too much time dwelling on the past unless the thoughts are positive. One of the beauties of dogs is that they live in the moment.

When the time is right, getting another puppy is a great idea. However, don't get two at the same time. There is a whole litany of problems that come with littermates being raised together. If you want two dogs, get a puppy, train him or her, and a year later get another. In my "Puppy Preschool" book, I go into detail about the ramifications of raising two puppies at the same time.

Thank you for writing. My thoughts and good wishes are with you.

Dear Dog Talk: I am desperate for help with my Boykin spaniel. He stares into space as if he is seeing something in the air. He then looks behind himself, becomes scared and hides under the table or bed.

He doesn't snap at the air, like dogs with "fly-snapping syndrome." He just looks around. He usually starts this after going to bed at night (he sleeps with us). I have had him checked for ear infections and/or mites, but he doesn't appear to have them. The last few nights, I have given him Benadryl and this seems to help. He doesn't scratch or lick; he just stares into space. I would appreciate any advice you might have.

Dear Seeing Things: I have no idea what is going on with your dog. Let me remind you that I'm not a veterinarian.

How old is your dog? If he is ancient, maybe he is developing doggie dementia.

Maybe it is an early stage of fly-snapping syndrome, which I believe is a form of seizure. I've also heard of mild seizures that resemble a vacant staring.

A while ago, Dog Talk readers wrote to me to tell of their experiences with dogs who could see (or sense) ghosts. Maybe you have a clairvoyant Boykin spaniel.

I wish I could be more helpful. If you get a conclusive answer, please let us know. Thanks for writing.

Dear Dog Talk Readers: I love kids' books. For years before I became a parent, I collected children's book on two topics: islands and, of course, dogs.

I was recently sent a signed copy of a great new dog kids' book: "Demo, the Story of a Junkyard Dog." It is well written by Jon Bozak and beautifully illustrated by Scott Bruns. Like all of the best children's books, Demo not only tells a fun story but also teaches a valuable life lesson.

Without giving too much away, the book teaches two important lessons -- one, that it is not wise to judge by appearances, and two, we must avoid being prisoners of our own junk.

Demo is published by "A Boy and His Dog" publisher. Check out Demo's Web site.

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