Lifestyles

Robin Baum says she takes her two children to volunteer with her at a food bank because she wants them to understand that not everyone lives as well as they do.

Baum and her husband, Jeff, of O'Hara, take their kids -- Evan, 17, and Olivia, 13 -- to do volunteer work at Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank in Duquesne. They also have helped to build a house for a needy family and adopted a family through their church. The activities help them bond as a family, she says, but most of all, it teaches the kids about giving and gratitude.

"We are just trying to teach them humility and respectfulness for other people in a simple task like helping to provide food, a basic human need," Robin Baum says. "They're young people, so of course they're making their Christmas lists, but it does make them look beyond themselves, too."

Kim Hanlon, of Greensburg, wants to teach her daughters that poverty doesn't exist just in other countries. Sometimes, it's in your own neighborhood.

Hanlon took her two girls -- Kate, 17, and Meg, 14 -- to the Westmoreland County Food Bank in Delmont recently to help out, and she hopes to make it a regular project. Helping the less fortunate helps to instill a sense of gratitude and generosity, she says.

"It's the opportunity for them to give back something," Hanlon says. "I think we all feel that's a responsibility, especially when we're blessed ourselves."

During the holiday season, self-indulgence, commercialism and a "gimme gimme" attitude can grip adults and children, and teaching youths about giving thanks and giving to others can be challenging. Experts say the key is to model generosity and gratitude yourself, and your children naturally will follow. Greedy and selfish parents are likely to produce the same kind of offspring.

"One of our favorite concepts that Fred Rogers used to talk about is from an old Quaker saying: 'Attitudes are caught, not taught,'" says Hedda Sharapan, director of early childhood initiatives at Family Communications Inc. in Oakland. The company produces "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" and other programs and projects.

"Think about what that means when you say 'thank you,' when you talk about the things you do to help people," Sharapan says. "When children sense that those things are important to you, they become important to them."

Sharon Carver, director of The Children's School and psychology professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Oakland, agrees.

"Children will follow what you model, and children will do more of what you reinforce," she says. "If parents are focused on acquiring stuff -- the newest technology, newest car, newest house, or whatever it is -- then it's not surprising that children would do that.

"Whereas, if parents are content with what they have and willing to share, kids will do that, too," Carver adds. "If parents are obsessed with talking about the next car, (the kids) will be obsessed with talking about the next toy."

Gratitude, says best-selling author Sophy Burnham, "begins with the intention and heart of the parents, and the child will pick it up by osmosis."

Holiday greed and self-indulgence come from society, she says, but the message to kids at home can be different.

"I think what they get is completely stressed out and exhausted and overwhelmed by the massive choices that are being thrown at them, and a kind of sickening materialism that they get on television and by going into the store," says Burnham, of Washington, D.C. She addresses the attitude of gratitude in-depth in her book "The Path of Prayer: Reflections on Prayer and True Stories of How It Affects Our Lives."

"It's an assault on an adult system, so you can see how much of an assault it is on the far more sensitive system of a child," she says. "They're little sponges."

Teaching gratitude

Experts suggest the following concrete tips for teaching children the values of gratitude and sharing, particularly around the holidays:

• Sign up to do volunteer work with your children at places such as a food bank, homeless shelter or soup kitchen, or through your house of worship.

• When you walk by a Salvation Army pot, give your children some money and let them make the donation.

• When you go Christmas shopping for toys, let your kids help you pick out a toy for a needy child, which you can give through community toy drives.

• Have your children write thank-you notes, or at least call their gift givers to thank them, no later than the day after Christmas. Handmade notes from young children can be especially endearing.

• When your children give you their Christmas gift list, ask them why they want each item. Tell them that they will get some things, but don't give them everything. Ask them, also, to make a list of what they will give to others.

• Encourage your kids to donate used clothes and toys in order to make room for the new ones coming in.

• Engage in activities that focus on spending quality time together, such as baking Christmas cookies, instead of shopping. Don't spend too much time at the mall with your kids, or you'll be badgered to go on a spending spree.

• Encourage giving and receiving nonmaterial gifts of the heart. For instance, family members can make each other coupon books for hugs and chores.

• Keep a gratitude journal with your kids, and write regular entries about things for which you are grateful.

• Finally, practice similar activities year-round.

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