Lifestyles

When she has her blanket and pacifier, 2-year-old Claire Cable is ready for bed, and her mother is out of the room with a simple, "I'll see you in a little while, OK?"

But for 5-year-old Catherine Cable, it's another story. Or another lullaby. And, usually, another half-hour.

After their bath at 7:30, the sisters know it's time for bed, but before they drift off to sleep, they have very different bedtime rituals. The only thing they both have in common is consistency.

"I think it's important for me and for them," says their mother Susan Cable, 38, of Adams Township. "I find that they benefit tremendously from having a routine."

Lullabies, fairytales, pajamas and wishes for sweet dreams are more than just bedtime standards. They signal the beginning of a good night's sleep and establish sleep habits that children are more likely to continue as they grow up.

There are no tears or tantrums when 3-year-old Owen Nichols puts on his pajamas and brushes his teeth. All he asks for is consistency -- and a "Curious George" tale or two.

"He willingly goes into bed," says his mom, Michele Nichols, 31, of Seven Fields Borough. "I don't know why, but he's pretty self-aware, so he understands when he's tired."

The bedtime routine he has followed since he was born helps Owen to recognize he needs to start winding down when it gets dark outside and he eats his bedtime snack of yogurt or applesauce.

"Predictability is really key in childhood -- knowing what's coming up next. It also helps parents have more control," says Dr. Jodi Mindell, director of the Sleep Center of the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. "I recommend parents starting a bedtime routine at two to three months of age. Even that early, it's a nice signal to a baby that it's time to start winding down from the day and get ready for bed."

A study she led in 2005-06 observed 58 infants ages 7-18 months, and found that those babies who had consistent bedtime routines fell asleep faster and stayed asleep longer. For two weeks, these infants were treated to a bath, a baby-lotion massage and a quiet activity like reading. Moms in the study, funded by Johnson & Johnson, also reported less anxiety and more energy.

"You want a routine that is enjoyable for everyone, and you want a routine that helps your child wind down," says Mindell, author of "Sleeping Through the Night." "If your baby hates taking a bath, do that at another time of day."

Parents should enjoy the bonding time, too. When Owen was an infant, his parents read him "Harry Potter" before bedtime -- they got to catch up on their reading, and Owen got to hear his mom and dad's voices.

"It's hard in our 24/7 society to set aside time and turn off the world," Mindell says. "I think it's just important to establish it at a young age, and that way, everybody knows that this is family time."

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No matter how many laps they swam, how many times they were "It," or how many "Once upon a times" they hear before bed, some times kids won't shut their eyes.

"The older the child, the harder it is to get them to sleep," says Dr. Sangeeta Chakravorty, director of the sleep program at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. "With all the exploration and development that takes place, the child is interested in figuring out what's going on while the rest of the house is awake."

The same bedtime patterns before bed help children to self-soothe and can make bedtime less of a nightmare -- but, sometimes, parents feel like the villain by putting their child to bed.

"A lot of times when kids have problems falling to sleep, it's because they still treat them like babies, says Sandy Beauregard, a parent educator at ParentWISE in Westmoreland County. "The longer you wait to start the routine, the harder it will be to get them to comply."

The first time she laid down with her daughter in bed, Cable knew she would regret her decision. But she was a pregnant mother who had been packing up and getting ready to move all day, and Catherine was a 2-year-old who couldn't get comfortable in her new big-girl bed. "I knew I would regret it, but I laid down in bed with her, and she was asleep in five minutes."

Now Catherine is 5, and she can't fall asleep unless her mother sits in a chair next to her bed, within touching distance. Catherine knows that by the time she starts first-grade next year, she'll have to start sleeping by herself, but Susan knows that she'll miss the cuddling and bonding time, too.

"I keep hoping that suddenly she'll do it herself, but I think I'm going to have to force it. I'm going to have to do it," says Cable, president of the MOMS Club of Mars/Gibsonia.

When it comes to sleep patterns, tough love is worth it. "I think parents need to realize that they need to be the parent," Mindell says. "It means that sometimes you have to set limits, sometimes you have to say no, and in the long run, it's really good for your child. Just as you would say, 'No, don't touch the hot stove,' you have to say 'No' to the 17th book."

For nine months after Alyssa Laukus was born, she slept in a swing in the living room with one of her parents stuck on couch duty every night.

"When she was younger, she was just a horrible sleeper," says Kris Laukus, 39, of North Huntington.

She and her husband gradually eased Alyssa into her crib, and they finally got to sleep in their own bed. Now at age 4, Alyssa's off to sleep after a few of her dad's customized fairytales. Down the hall, her 2 1/2-year-old sister, Ashley, spends a few drowsy moments with mom before she slips into dreamland.

"Now we leave the room before they're sleeping. Otherwise, they wake up and expect you to be there," Laukus says.

The ability to fall asleep without the presence of a parent in the room is an important part of any bedtime ritual. Some kids need a pacifier or security blanket, while others suck their thumb or twirl their hair.

"There's an element of separation anxiety that comes normally -- the child realizes that in going to sleep, the parent is not with the child," says Chakravorty. "At bedtime, the parent has to signal to the child that a safe and secure atmosphere is present so that the child can fall asleep."

Even the best sleepers wake up occasionally during the night, but just because your child gets fussy at nighttime doesn't mean you should, too. A calm response helps the sleep cycle to continue.

Two-year-old Will Bennett wakes up in the middle of the night more frequently than he did before he moved to his big-boy bed, and before his 5-month-old brother, Drew, was born.

"We try to give him as little action as possible," says his mother, Priscilla Bennett, 31, of Greensburg. "We just go in and keep it very brief. We just sing a song and put him back in his bed."

Responding to a child's cries creates a safe feeling in which the child is able to fall back to sleep.

"A child needs strong, loving, gentle reinforcement," Chakravorty says. "Your child will figure out, 'Mom is going to smile at me and hug me if I put my head down. But if I stand up and scream, mom is going to stand by the crib and look displeased and cross her arms and do nothing for me. '"

It might be tempting rock a child to sleep or let him or her sleep with Mom and Dad on special occasions -- or on extra-rough nights -- but giving in just lets a child know that these treats are an option any time.

"Parents need to respond to the needs and cries of their children, especially as infants," says Diana Chiaverini, RN and co-coordinator of community education at Magee Women's Hospital Ambulatory Care. "It's a matter of responding to the child and being consistent. That's the best thing parents can do."

Here are some tips:

• After a child falls asleep for the night, she doesn't always stay that way. Parents reported that 71 percent of infants wake up needing help or attention. As a child gets older, her tendency to wake up at night diminishes; just 46 percent of toddlers, 36 percent of preschoolers and 14 percent of school-age children wake up during the night.
• More than half of all preschoolers stall about going to bed at least a few nights a week. They resist going to bed at bedtime, according to 30 percent of responses, seem sleepy or overtired during the day (26 percent), and/or have difficulty waking up in the morning (19 percent).
• Most parents (76 percent) said they would like to change something about the way their child sleeps, whether it be the time the child goes to sleep, his or her bedtime behavior, when the child wakes up, how well or how long the child sleeps, or how well he or she naps.
• Almost all (90 percent-96 percent) of parents reported that their child has a usual bedtime routine. Reading most frequently is part of the ritual, and kids who get more sleep are more likely to have books incorporated into their routine. Tooth brushing, taking baths or showers, watching TV, saying prayers and feeding are the other most-mentioned habits.
• Slightly more than one-half of infants typically are put in their crib or bed when they already are asleep, compared to about one-fourth of younger toddlers and 16 percent of older toddlers.

  As children get older, parents usually stay in the room less while a child falls asleep. Parents of infants reported staying with their child at least a few nights a week 68 percent of the time; whereas, just 43 percent of toddlers and preschoolers need a bedtime companion. After they start school, just 23 percent of children need a parent in the room to fall asleep.

• Between 60 percent and 72 percent of children have a nightlight in their bedroom.
• Parents of children age 10 or younger get about seven hours of sleep during the night.
• Parents and caregivers reported the average child usually goes to sleep between 8:45 and 9:15 p.m., according to the 2004 Sleep in America Poll. School-age children and infants tend to go to bed later -- between 9:07 and 9:11 p.m. -- than toddlers and preschoolers, who usually are asleep between 8:42 and 8:55 p.m. The same survey found that children usually are back up and at 'em at between 7 and 7:30 a.m.

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