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Holy Pow! Pope makes Madden a saint

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By Eric Heyl
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Friday, April 24, 2009


VATICAN CITY — In perhaps the greatest tribute yet following his sudden retirement, legendary football broadcaster John Madden has been canonized by the Roman Catholic Church.

Madden has been named the patron saint of pigskin, a Vatican spokesman confirmed today. The extraordinary announcement coincides with the unveiling of the cover athlete for this year's version of the popular Madden football video game.

Sainthood status usually is reserved for religious figures, and then only after they have died. This is the first time a living person, consecrated only to America's most popular sport, has been so lauded.

"We just thought, in this instance, that his selection was a no-brainer," said the Rev. Emilio Donatelli, a Vatican spokesman. "There simply was no reason to put him through as thorough a review process as we did for, say, St. Quentin, the patron saint of locksmiths."

Accolades for Madden, 73, have poured in since the NBC "Sunday Night Football" color announcer said last week he was stepping down. The unexpected move prompted the largest international outpouring of grief since Princess Diana's 1997 death.

Donatelli said three easily verifiable miracles performed by Madden qualified him for instant sainthood:

• He animatedly coached in the NFL for 10 years without once splitting his tight trousers that were the style of the day.

• He framed a 30-year-broadcasting career around intellectually vacuous utterances such as "Boom!" "Pow!" and "Doink!"

• He was largely responsible for the religious-like fervor surrounding a video football game some addiction specialists have likened to crack cocaine.

"Pope Benedict already has pre-ordered Madden '10," Donatelli said. "He can't wait to try the new wildcat formation they're adding this year."

Asked his reaction to the sainthood designation, Madden said, "Next to being inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2006, this probably is the greatest honor I've ever had."

Madden plans to personally phone the pope to offer his thanks, as well as ask a few questions about the upcoming induction ceremony on the Vatican's front steps.

"I need to know whether they're providing any special vestments or whether I need to get my yellow Hall of Fame jacket out of storage," he said.


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