The Gown

The groom usually wears more or less the same tuxedo uniform (often rented) and what he wore is quickly forgotten. But the bride's special dress is consulted about, agonized over, analyzed, refitted, and after the event, carefully put in storage in near-museum type conditions.

So go ahead, scan the magazines and Web sites. Argue with your mother and your mother-in-law. Scrape up the deposit from somewhere. These are part of your memories, too:

More gowns on the Web:

Early Alerts

Couples hoping far-flung relatives and friends will come to their weddings can send "save the date" cards, enabling their invitees to start early on the search for the best air fares and accommodations.

Now eInvite.com makes that step easier with its service that enables the couple to try out type, layout and design online and get a transmitted proof copy on their screens before they even order. The company also will offer advice on wording, ordering and mailing etiquette.

Details: www.einvite.com.

Dance Away the Night

Maybe you think you've got other things to worry about, but if you start stumbling around like a pair of klutzes for the first dance at your wedding reception, you'll wish you'd been better prepared.

An inexpensive way to get ready for this moment is with a 140-minute video, "Preparing for Your Wedding Dance" ($29.95), with championship dancers Meredith Stead and John Knapp. Each video comes with a music CD and a password to a Web database that lists more than 500 first dance songs.

Details: (866) 742-5593 or www.yourweddingdance.com.

Guest pet peeves

At the average wedding, the bride and groom host 168 guests. Wedding guests often can leave the party with a legitimate gripe — whether the buffet line was too long, the music was too loud, or the invitation didn’t include directions. The February/March 2003 issue of Modern Bride exposes what really bothers guests and suggests ways for couples to please the crowd as they plan their wedding day.

Guests gripe when:

Plan ahead

Don't get so wrapped up in planning for the wedding that you neglect to plan for the marriage, advises Arthur Tarlow.

Tarlow, a tax and estate specialist at Meyer, Suozzi, English & Klein, P.C., in Mineola, N.Y., cautions that money shouldn't be the focus of a couple's future together.

What should be is the kind and quality of life they hope to lead.

"Money and finances are and should be just a tool to achieve that quality of life," says Tarlow, a lawyer who has long counseled young couples going into their first marriages and older ones embarking on later marriages.

"Sustaining any marriage should start from a common philosophy rather than a financial plan. And it all starts with how do you define a good life."

Young couples, first of all, need to consider the question of children — yes, no, or how many. They need to decide where they want to live, whether in a house in the suburbs or in a city apartment. While they can expect to save for a child's college education and for other incidentals such as music lessons, that's not the whole picture.

"The most important thing a couple can do is agree on demonstrating good values to their future children, honesty in life dealings, and to provide education to ensure that the children have saleable skills," Tarlow says.

Mature couples, often returning to marital life in second or later marriages, also should focus on their quality of life, particularly after retirement. "It is critical for older married couples to feel interesting and be interesting to each other and to the world around them," Tarlow says. "Once children are grown, older couples need to decide how much money they wish to ultimately leave their children, if any."

It may seem obvious, but Tarlow reminds couples that they need to know each other. "It is essential that you know who you are marrying. What does your partner carry in terms of assets, debt and income? There are joint and severable liabilities that should be considered with the qualified counsel of your accountant and lawyer."

And on the subject of that accountant, Marlow, a CPA, points out that unlike a lawyer or doctor, the accountant is not an advocate; he or she is reponsible to the public. But for effective long-term financial planning, "Your accountant must understand your way of thinking and know how you feel to establish the best, long-lasting relationship possible."

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