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Often uncertain over the correct location of a return address? Occasionally overwrought over where the stamp belongs on an envelope?

You can emerge from the darkness, my friend. If you haven't already received it, chances are a primer for the postally challenged has an upcoming date with your mailbox.

Is it ever thorough.

This 24-page booklet from the U.S. Postal Service contains not only everything you might want to know about mailing items. It contains everything you should already know about mailing them -- unless you are a recent arrival from Irkutsk or perhaps a circus elephant.

The postal service recently mailed 350,000 of these guides to its closest friends in Pittsburgh. If consumer response is favorable, the pilot program could be extended regionally or even nationally.

(Because you likely are wondering, the postal service does not receive a discount on its own mailings. The postal service bills itself for every penny of postage due, and probably doesn't hesitate to dun itself if that bulk-rate bill isn't promptly paid.)

Agency spokeswoman Diana Svoboda couldn't say how much is being spent to locally distribute a booklet already available in the nation's 38,000 post offices as well as online. But she suggested the convenience of having one of these babies outweighs whatever costs are involved.

"We're trying to save customers' time," Svoboda said. "We did polling that indicated about 90 percent of people would rather have the book in their hands than download it or look through it at the post office."

Apparently, about 90 percent of the poll respondents are far too concerned about eliminating potential mistakes that could sully a successful mailing experience. This demographic should be particularly pleased by the guidebook, which takes nothing for granted when it comes to anticipating the reader's comprehension.

If you have any doubts the return address belongs in the upper left corner of the envelope, the booklet will dispel them. If you can't always recall that the postage goes in the upper right corner, the booklet will remind you.

If you are sending a package, the booklet recommends cushioning items with newspaper, styrofoam peanuts, bubble wrap or shredded paper. The folks who habitually use glass shards for cushioning should find this information extremely beneficial.

The guide also includes a list of hazardous items the public is prohibited from mailing, including ammunition, fireworks, flammable or explosive materials (such as ammunition or fireworks), poisonous materials and infectious substances.

How helpful. If you were considering mailing all the swell bloodborne pathogens you just bought at Target for Aunt Lucinda's birthday present, forget it. You will have to get them to her via UPS instead. Tip: To ensure the package arrives promptly, don't mention the potential quarantine risk when placing your delivery order.

I always considered the act of mailing to be a routine and simple process. Judging from this guidebook, the postal service considers it a bewildering operation of intricate complexity.

Which explains why an agency with a long history of financial difficulty increased its costs by mailing to hundreds of thousands of city residents an already conveniently available publication.

In the minds of postal officials, evidently, the considerable confusion the mail causes desperately needs to be addressed.

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