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Have a little fun at the NRA convention
Next weekend should prove to be one of much hilarity and light-hearted shenanigans for the 50,000 firearms enthusiasts who will pour into the David L. Lawrence Convention Center, Downtown, for the National Rifle Association's 133rd annual convention.
Ask a gun seller whether he carries any weapons that shoot rapid-fire cream pies. Explain that there's a particularly annoying clown on your block who needs to be taken out. Say this while winking every so often.
When trying on a new .44 magnum pistol for size, ask whether there's a model available with a quart-capacity flask attached for evenings out. Remind the seller of how "the only thing more fun than shooting is drinking and shooting."
Dress up in a white sheet and pointed hood and carry a noose. Then ask gun salesmen whether they have anything to "help create the perfect matching ensemble."
Find the convention's organizers and demand to know why Dirty Harry, Rambo and "that weird Moses guy" aren't appearing in person this year.
Tell passers-by you're thinking of starting a street gang and need information about the best kinds of guns and ammo to use for drive-bys.
Set up a booth selling accidental death insurance policies and grave markers. Offer a free cemetery plot with the purchase of any assault rifle.
Skip places in the line of visitors waiting to enter the convention center by insisting that you're mad as hell at that nosy mother-in-law and need to get even, right now.
Get hold of the speaker phones connected to the public-address system and shout "Hey everybody -- Bill and Hillary Clinton are outside the building!" The stampede should last for hours.
Find a table specializing in the sort of teflon-coated bullets that are capable of piercing bulletproof vests. Tell the seller you were considering becoming a police officer until you saw them.
There probably won't be this many white men packing heat in our city since the 1918 Armistice Day parade.
Just because the NRA's soiree -- labeled "Freedom's Steel," a name disturbingly similar to the title of a Toby Keith album -- advertises "Acres of Guns" doesn't mean visitors have to get all gloomy like shoppers at a Fallujah arms bazaar. Fun, someone once said, is where you choose to make it. With this in mind, try these side-splitting pranks, which are guaranteed to bring smiles to the faces of even the most jaded death merchants.
