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If happiness showed up on Colin Quinn's doorstep, you get the feeling he'd give it a one-way ride to the pavement on the tip of his shoe.

"To me the only thing is, if you're too happy, you're not funny," says Quinn, who performs tonight and Saturday at the Funny Bone at Station Square, South Side.

The secret of comedy? Get angry, he says.

"To me, comedy -- you don't look for what's funny, you look for what's not funny. You look for what makes you mad and it comes out funny."

Discussing the presidential debates, for example: Why be positive when you can be funny?

"(I'm) not going 'Hey, the president and Kerry are going to have a debate. They do mean the best for their country and I hope the debate goes well.' Hell no. I'm going to say 'Dummy and the Mortician are having a debate.'"

It's easy for Quinn to stay mad. First, he was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, where they seem to put irritants in the water. Second, society has become so politically correct, he says, it can tick you off just breathing the air. Just a minute into the telephone conversation, he's bellowing like a New York taxi driver who's just been asked about the latest boneheaded trade by New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner.

"Basically what's on my mind is still the political correctness," says Quinn, whose show, "Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn" -- airing Mondays through Thursdays on Comedy Central -- features him riding herd on his fellow comedians as they discuss the issues of the moment. "It's rote. It's not even a question of getting politically correct. They're so politically correct it's insane.

"I feel like this country is more self-centered that ever, with people ready to jump on anyone for saying anything that can be construed as racist or sexist. The beauty of the show is that people can say whatever they want. If they said that anywhere else, they'd be run out of town on a rail.

"We did a show last night. People were talking about the phrase 'nice lady.' Some Southern Congressman used it. They said it was derogatory because he used it about his opponent. If you stop somebody from saying 'nice lady,' as condescending as it is ... that sounds to me like real censorship. Where does it stop? It's the thought police. It's George Orwell."

Comedy Central suspended production of "Tough Crowd" because of low ratings, according to the Hollywood Reporter. The last of the show will air in early November.

Quinn, a former MTV veejay who also wrote the screenplay for the movie "Celtic Pride" starring Dan Aykroyd and Daniel Stern, says "Tough Crowd" might get reconfigured as a weekly show. It's tough to generate four nights worth of material a week, he concedes.

In the meantime, he'll share his "thought processes" with Funny Bone audiences.

He promises one thing: "I won't insult your intelligence."

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