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Quizzing Ann Coulter
Q: Is there an easy way to spot a liberal, so you will know how to talk to him/her/it?
A: In the "blue" states, every bearded man seems to be a liberal. All the bearded women are.
Q: Of all your columns, which has drawn the most outrage from the punditocracy, and do you have any remorse?
A: "Convert Them to Christianity," and no.
Q: Why should those lucky readers of the Trib who've already read your weekly columns buy your new book?
A: Only about half the book is a "greatest hits" collection, and that includes articles from George magazine and Human Events. My columns should be collected like treasured photos you may have lost over the years.
Q: Do you plan to visit Jon Stewart on "The Daily Show" to plug your book?
A: I'd plug my book anywhere. Well, maybe not at a luncheon of Emily's List, but almost anywhere.
Q: What is the worst idea liberals have frozen into federal law that you would want to see erased today?
A: The withholding tax.
Q: What is the most dangerous liberal institution in the USA?
A: The "Today" show.
Q: Who is or was the last good liberal, and why?
A: John Stewart Mill. Because that's when "liberal" meant something entirely different.
Q: How can you tell John Kerry is a liberal?
A: The Botox, fake tans and latex skiing outfit.
Q: Is Teresa Heinz Kerry a strong woman?
A: Yes, if by "strong" you mean "crazy."
Q: What is the first thing you'll do if Kerry wins on Nov. 2?
A: Reconsider my safety as a citizen of the U.S.
Q: In 50 words or more, what kind of a conservative are you, and who are your great intellectual or political heroes?
A: True blue. Ronald Reagan. I'll leave you to fill in the last 46 words.
Q: Why don't you convert to libertarianism? You and John Stossel could get married and save America.
A: Libertarians are potheads posing as right-wingers. But John Stossel is a fine fellow. I just don't think I could go along with working "give me a break" into the wedding vows.
Q: Conservatism in America is alive and well: true or false?
A: True.
Q: Hasn't President Bush exhibited some dangerous liberal tendencies -- huge budgets, Big Government prescription drug bill, his porky farm bill, his amnesty for illegal immigrants?
A: Yes. However, let this not detract from the fact that his election is crucial to the survival of the republic.
Q: Is there anything Bush could say, promise or do that would cost him your support?
A: "I agree with John Kerry."
Q: Is there anything, anywhere, anytime, that you wrote, said or thought that you now sincerely wish you hadn't?
A: Yes, a college exam once on which I got a C-plus.
Q: Is there anything you'd like to say to voters of the great swing states of Pennsylvania and Ohio?
A: Quit the dithering and vote for Bush. How many lousy free meals do you need to accept from this guy Frank Luntz?
