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The bar mitzvah, or at least its lavish celebration, is being co-opted by non-Jewish kids who want to have killer 13th birthday parties.

This party-hardy mentality rankles some -- such as Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin, author of "Putting God on Your Guest List: How to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah" -- who hold dear the religious and cultural traditions that a bar or bat mitzvah embodies.

Salkin will speak tonight at Temple Emanuel of the South Hills in Mt. Lebanon on the issue of non-Jewish bar mitzvahs that focus on the parties and leave out the religious ceremonies at the temple.

The idea of faux bar and bat mitzvahs puzzles Melanie Ackerman, who is Jewish. Ackerman's 13-year-old daughter, Shaina, is having her bat mitzvah this weekend at Temple David Congregation in Monroeville.

"It is a family tradition that is deeply connected to your roots, and there is a spirituality to it," she said. "I think it is awful to trivialize it just to have a party."

The bar mitzvah marks a Jewish male's coming of age. It is a solemn ceremony undertaken after the study of Hebrew and Jewish history and traditions. Bat mitzvahs are the ceremonies for girls.

"These children devote so much time to studying Hebrew and learning from the sacred Torah," said Rabbi Richard Rheins, of Temple David. "It symbolizes their growing responsibility in their community."

P.J. Riel is an agent for Entertainment Unlimited, a party entertainment agency headquartered on Banksville Road in the South Hills. Although he has not encountered any non-Jewish families wanting a faux bar mitzvah party, he can see why children and some adults get caught up in the idea.

"Bar mitzvahs are the more elaborate children's parties you will find," he said. "We've booked bar mitzvahs that cost $850 to some where people spend $50,000."

Many rabbis said it is important for people not to emphasize partying over the religious aspects of the rites of passage.

"Anybody, both Jewish and non-Jewish, having what they call a bar mitzvah without the religious commitment is robbing the ceremony and process of all meaning," Rheins said.

"I don't think they should call it a bar mitzvah, but instead devise their own term and think of ways they can instill in their children responsibilities and a connection to faith."

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