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Is a little research that much of a tall order?
Many of these quaint low-headroom bars were designed 200, sometimes 300 years ago, back when the idea of six-foot, four-inch tourists was but a nightmare in some whiskey-sodden publican's mind. But today, we arrive by the tens of thousands looking for that authentic Irish pub experience.
It's not hard to find. There are pubs so weird and plentiful. In the seaside town of Dingle, I once hoisted a few in a pub built inside Dick Mack's, an old cobblers shop. Replacement shoe soles shared bar space with the beer bottles; kids and dogs ran as freely through the place as Guinness, while a traditional Celtic band thrummed out tunes in a crowded corner booth.
It seems like a fairly simple formula to imitate here at home, but for some reason, Irish pubs here in Pittsburgh seldom capture the spirit, closeness or even the stale-but-heartwarming odors of actual Irish pubs.
This assessment is fresh in from a visit to the city's latest, greatest Irish-themed bar, a place that, frankly speaking, has about as much Gaelic authenticity as a photo of my grandparents.
These days, you couldn't throw a Claddagh ring around these parts without bouncing off of a place claiming to offer "the genuine spirit of Ireland," but somehow, they nearly all lose the plot.
For example, I've been in plenty of pubs in Ireland and not one maintains the cavernous dimensions of their American imitators. Instead, you'll find tiny, well-decorated bars, an open, neighborly atmosphere and no TV sets blaring 24-hour sports. The friendly, talkative staff is often comprised of middle-aged folks with creased faces and dense backlogs of dirty jokes.
Here at home, bar owners take a room the size of the Nimitz, tack up a few antique beer posters and put a pack of snooty, 19 year-olds in midriff tops behind the bar and viola - instant Ireland.
I spoke to an owner of one of these bars once who confessed never having traveled to the country his bar was themed upon. This is sort of like someone from Upper St. Clair opening a soul food restaurant.
Not to fault the locals for trying. Guinness and whiskey taste good no matter how far off the mark the concept may be.
But please, do some research, turn off the TVs and lower the ceilings already.
