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After son Jacob was born eight years ago, North Buffalo Township residents Matthew and Kimberly Motosicky thought they had the perfect child.

"He didn't cry," Matthew explained. "From the time he was four weeks old, he slept through the whole night. It was almost like having the perfect child. When he was an infant, we never had a problem with him."

Today the couple is learning to parent all over again with 19-month-old daughter Julia. "If she wants to come downstairs and you tell her no, she gets upset," he said. "Jacob didn't do stuff like that."

"He occupied himself all the time," he continued. "She wants you to be doing something with her all the time. When we put Jacob to bed, he never fussed. He'd go right to sleep. When we put her to bed, she'll lay there and fuss, and we'll have to go in four or five times to calm her down before she goes to sleep."

Although his early years were unusually calm, as Jacob approached school age problems with his behavior began to emerge. "When he started kindergarten in North Buffalo, we had a lot of problems with social behavior," Kimberly said. "The school was great at trying to help."

The problem had little to do with Jacob's intellect. His IQ was measured to be 127 at age 5.

At first Matthew thought his son might be hyperactive. "He was doing okay in kindergarten with the schoolwork," Matthew said, "but socially is where he was having a problem. He didn't know how to hold a conversation, didn't know how to act."

The concerned couple took their son to doctors who suggested his behavior might be due to Attention Deficit Disorder, Hyperactive Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, separation anxiety or Oppositional Defiance Disorder. They noticed a pervasive lack of social skills, Kimberly said, " a lack of appropriateness of what you say, the one-track mind."

"At age 5 it was trains," she explained. "He would come up to you and just talk about trains, wouldn't care what you were saying to him."

They were advised to take Jacob to Children's Community Pediatrics for counseling. After seeing Jacob for some time on a weekly basis, in February of 2004 the counselor assigned to his case told the couple their son had Asperger's Syndrome, one of the milder forms of autism which often goes undiagnosed.

"Jacob was diagnosed when he was 7 years old," Kimberly said. "I'll never forget it. (The counselor) told me she wanted to see my by myself, and I thought she was going to explain to me what was going on and everything was going to be okay."

When the counselor explained that Asperger's was just one of the disorders on the autism spectrum, Kim panicked. "I didn't know what autism was except for the child that does not speak, or Rainman in the movie -- the worst case scenario."

Staff at North Buffalo Elementary were very supportive and tried their best to help Jacob adjust, but the lack of social skills made it difficult. So the couple decided to try sending Jacob to Lenape Elementary, where he'd be in the school's emotional support class.

"The remainder of the school year was fine," Kimberly said. "Then this year, he started to get aggressive and flat out refuse to do things. We didn't know if it was boredom, because he is very intelligent."

When it became clear that Jacob no longer could attend classes at Lenape Elementary, the Motosickys were advised to try the Pittsburgh area Pace School for children with special needs. "They have autistic support classes," Kimberly said.

"Jacob never wanted to leave the house, because he liked to be alone," she explained. "He couldn't be around all of the family because he would have what we call meltdowns, meaning he would start screaming, kicking, biting, hitting, he would throw things. After that would stop, he would have no knowledge of what he did."

His high intelligence level made it a little more difficult to diagnose because some of his idiosyncrisies are common in exceptionally bright children.

"He got a book on WWII from my brother-in-law," Matthew said, "a real technical book, with specifics on things like airplanes and tanks."

"He read it in three weeks and anything that was in that book, he can tell you about it. He can tell you what they used, what kind of engines were in the tanks."

Julia used to shy away from him, because his meltdowns scared her. Now that he's more controlled, she's growing more attached to him.

He began classes at Pace Dec. 8, 2004, she said. "He now wants to go places, he wants to do things, he wants people to be around him. He's meeting his goals 80 percent of the time."

When they look back, they realize that Jacob isn't the only one who has changed. "At first, we placed a lot of blame," Kimberly said.

"We were in a denial," Matthew added.

"We were able to say, yes, our son has an autistic spectrum disorder," Kimberly explained, "but instead of really sitting down and dealing with it, we would say things like, 'You wouldn't let me reprimand him,' 'He was with this in-law too much.' Everybody placed blame everywhere."

Once the couple and other family members were able to go to autism seminars, the situation began to improve.

Through the seminars they came to a better understanding. "When we all realized that this is real, it's not because I didn't love him enough when he was an infant, or that Matt didn't love him enough, or because someone else loved him too much," Kimberly said. "It's just Jacob, and that's what he's going to be like, and that's okay because he's going to be all right."

"As parents, we know that we have to never give up," she said.

Kimberly Motosicky would like to hear from other parents of autistic children who are interested in establishing support groups and arrange outings for the children. She can be reached at: 724-763-4201.

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