Experts give Georgia's runaway bride little sympathy, lots of advice
Laurie Dymond tries on wedding dresses at Carlisle's
Steven Adams/Tribune-Review
John Mason embraces a family member after learning that his fiancee, Jennifer Wilbanks, was found alive
Ric Feld/AP
Jennifer Wilbanks
Luis Fabregas can be reached via e-mail or at 412-320-7998.
By the time the big wedding day rolls around, many harried brides have spent months stressing over the guest list, the flowers, the dresses, even the flavor of the cake.
They are often jumpy, confused and emotionally drained. They want to tell off the florist, strangle the caterer and maybe call the whole thing off.
But running 1,400 miles away and faking an abduction?
"That's quite a stunt to pull to get out of getting married," said Laurie Dymond, 24, of Clearfield, who is getting married in October and spent Saturday morning trying on cream-colored gowns at Carlisle's in the Strip District. "I don't think I could have thought all that up."
A Georgia bride-to-be last week carried out just such an improbable scheme, vanishing four days before her wedding. She turned up late Friday on a seedy stretch of Route 66 in Albuquerque, N.M., claiming she had been kidnapped, then freed by her captors. But during police questioning, she came clean: She fled on a bus after getting cold feet.
Police say Jennifer Wilbanks, 32, of Duluth, Ga., had cut her hair to disguise herself. She left her identification, credit cards and diamond ring behind. There was no note and, for four days, no call home.
Her disappearance sparked nationwide chatter and a three-day search involving the FBI and more than 100 volunteers.
The runaway bride had been scheduled to marry John Mason in an elaborate wedding with 14 bridesmaids, 14 groomsmen and 600 guests. News reports have said the wedding was the talk of the town and the bride had eight wedding showers.
"It turns out that Miss Wilbanks basically felt the pressure of this large wedding and could not handle it," said Duluth Police Chief Randy Belcher. He described the woman as very upset, and said no criminal charges will be filed.
At Big Day Wedding Center in the Strip District -- a one-stop shop for couples looking to sample cake, tuxedos and gowns -- reaction to Wilbanks' disappearance ranged from giggles to disbelief to, at least among veteran workers at Carlisle's, unabashed anger.
"She's spoiled and selfish," said Kathy Gallagher, of Sewickley, who has helped brides through the ever-agonizing task of picking gowns for more than two decades. "She put everybody through this agony just because she couldn't decide what to do. It's annoying."
Dymond, a petite blonde who is planning a wedding with about 200 guests, said she can relate to the stress and drama of planning a wedding. She said she cried when she couldn't get the date she wanted because her reception hall was booked.
"It's definitely more stressful for the bride," Dymond said, noting that her fiance, Mike Schmaus, has steered clear of any wedding planning. "The guy doesn't have anything to plan. He just has to show up."
Marriage counselors say there's nothing abnormal about wedding jitters, calling it a natural anxiety that builds up as the wedding day gets closer. Problem is, the anxiety can turn serious because it triggers deep questions that some people only ponder at the last minute.
"Everybody with half a brain knows that there's some questions as to 'How do I make this work?' 'Will it work?' 'Will it last?' 'Am I doing the right thing?'" said Lois Greenberg, who has counseled couples in Castle Shannon for 30 years.
"Those are very appropriate questions," she said. "What's not appropriate is the way we ask it at the last minute. These are questions that should have been asked a long time ago."
Greenberg, who is divorced, said she has counseled couples who, when asked why they are getting married, answer with statements such as, "It just seemed like the right thing to do," or "We've been going out for so long."
"It's such a romantic notion to say 'I love you' and not think about the complications that come with the territory," Greenberg said. "Any relationship is a dance. And that's not a bad thing. It's how you learn to dance together so that you're not stepping on each other's feet and you consider each other when you make your movement."
Allison Moir-Smith, a therapist who counsels brides from across the United States over the phone, suggests that overwhelmed brides take a step back and "take a vacation from the wedding planning" to connect with themselves emotionally.
"Have a conversation with a close friend who can listen to you, who can let you be the complicated person that you are," said Moir-Smith, 38, who is based in Massachusetts and is publishing a book titled, "Emotionally Engaged: How to Survive the Happiest Time of Your Life."
"If you allow yourself to feel the cold feet, they'll probably go away. If you allow yourself to feel the sadness and the grief, the grief does end. It does dissipate."
Carmine Volpe and Beth Wesley, both of Shadyside, said they were riveted by the story of the Georgia bride and were glued to Fox News following the bride's odyssey and her dramatic resurfacing. Volpe, a cancer physician, and Wesley, a physicians' assistant, are getting married in December. They just moved to town from Baltimore and are planning a 75-guest wedding at the Carnegie Museum in Oakland.
While he doesn't agree with the way she went about it, Volpe, 50, said it's probably better for Wilbanks to call off the wedding rather than marry for the wrong reasons and end up in a messy divorce.
"She could have done something more reasonable, that's for sure," he said.
And what about Wilbanks' fiance, who had become a target of suspicion after her disappearance? Any words of wisdom for the jilted groom?
"If I were him, I definitely wouldn't marry her," Volpe said. "I would talk to her and say, 'I think we're finished, what do you think?'"
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
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