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The former law enforcement officer saw that Andrea Umphrey's boyfriend was abusing her. Umphrey, 35, and a mother of three, was scared and asked the courts for protection from Alvin Starks.

But by the time she mustered the courage to leave Starks, it was too late.

Starks is accused of kidnapping Umphrey and their infant daughter from their Sheraden church in April 2004 and fatally shooting her after a 50-mile chase. The baby was unharmed.

Her friend's death spurred Kenney to become a legal advocate for the Women's Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, which is hosting the third annual "Highmark Shop to Stop Domestic Violence'' fundraiser and awareness event from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. today at the Galleria of Mt. Lebanon, 1500 Washington Road.

"There is help out there, and there are resources to empower and support women,'' Kenney said. "I don't know if Andrea realized that. She was just an ordinary, hard-working single mom who woke up in that situation, and I don't want anyone else to go through that.''

Umphrey was one of 21 people killed in Allegheny County last year as the result of domestic violence, representing 20 percent of homicides in the county. The total was the highest in the state for 2004 and one of the highest rates of intimate-partner homicides in Allegheny County in recent years, according to Ellen Gamble of the Women's Center. Statewide, 110 people died in domestic incidents in 2004.

Allegheny County police Lt. Christopher Kearns said the county has had no domestic violence killings in 2005.

"Last year, there were an unusually high number,'' Kearns said. "I don't know if there's any rhyme or reason to it.''

The Women's Center provides resources to women in crisis, including counseling, legal advocacy, education and support. The 52 full-time employees and 120 volunteers also run a 36-bed shelter and a 24-hour crisis hotline. They served 6,000 women and children in the county last year, Gamble said.

But so many more women never reach out for help, Gamble said, possibly because society often stigmatizes the women being abused and blames them for not getting out.

"A lot of people don't understand how big a problem domestic violence is,'' she said. "They say of the women in those relationships, 'Why does she stay? Why doesn't she leave him?' The question they should be asking is 'Why does he hit her?' Domestic violence is in every level of society and every neighborhood. We need to help women build a life free from violence.''

Incidents of domestic violence often increase during the holidays, due to money pressures and family gatherings mixed with alcohol-laden celebrations, officials said. Some women choose to stay through the holidays for the sake of their children, Gamble said, but others choose to seek help.

Kenney said Umphrey, her friend since the two were about 8, was never in an abusive relationship before she met Starks. There were signs, including protection-from-abuse orders Starks' previous girlfriends had sought against him, but Umphrey was in love, Kenney said. Before long, the couple had a baby girl.

The abuse didn't stop.

"She used to say, 'Toi, I think he's gonna kill me,' '' Kenney said. "But for a long time, I don't think she saw what everyone else saw. She didn't see the danger or decipher between abuse and love. And we couldn't force her to see it or judge her when she kept going back to him. She needed to recognize it for herself and ask for help. But it was too late.''

Starks faces trial in January in the April 18, 2004, slaying. Umphrey's daughter, who was 9 months old when her mother died, is living with Umphrey's mother, Kenney said. Umphrey's 9-year-old son also lives with the grandmother, and her 12-year-old son lives with his father, Kenney said.

The terror Umphrey lived with didn't just take her life. It destroyed the lives of her children and mother, Kenney said.

"Those kids are hurting, scared and confused,'' she said. "And the baby will never know how much her mother loved her. She was there when her mother was killed, and even though she doesn't remember it, that's something that will be with her for the rest of her life when she finds out. So many people suffer in domestic violence, not just the woman who is being abused.''

Judy Yupcavage of the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence said the majority of women who are killed by abusive partners never sought help to escape their situations. Many either don't realize the resources are out there, she said, or they are afraid leaving their partner will escalate the abuse.

"A lot of these women feel like they're alone, and there is no one to help them, but there is,'' Yupcavage said. "You can call one of the local organizations just to talk to an advocate and start to plan what you want to do. You don't have to automatically end up in a shelter. There are different ways to go about it, and there are so many people out there to help these women sort out their options. It doesn't have to end in tragedy.''

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