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We're missing more than just pompoms
According to news reports, the liquored-up women were together in a stall in the ladies room of a busy restaurant. From the stall came the sound of moaning, not cheers.
They seemed to be using their gymnastics skills on a routine you don't often see on the sidelines. When anxious women in the line banged on the door, one of the cheerleaders allegedly punched a woman out.
Now the cheerleaders say one of them was just crying. That's their story, and they're sticking to it.
The Steelers don't have cheerleaders. But even if they did, I bet their antics wouldn't be so fascinatingly salacious ... I mean, morally reprehensible.
Say the Steelers did have cheerleaders. Here, on football weekends, every bar, distillery and brewery in a hundred miles gets drained dry.
Think of what would happen in a ladies room full of Pittsburgh women with bursting bladders, if there were two Steeler-ettes locked in a stall, shouting, "Gimme an O!"
It wouldn't matter if they were crying, having sex or discovering a cure for cancer. The women in line would kick down the door and toss those two out of there before they could get too kinky.
Football here is far more important than sex.
Steelers cheerleaders would be too obsessed with the quarterback's knee or a wide receiver's contract to fantasize about each other.
But we're never going to see cheerleaders on the sidelines at Heinz Field, because you don't need cheerleaders when something important is happening.
Brain surgeons don't have women in short skirts prancing around the operating room. When the Supreme Court hands down a decision, you don't see anyone doing back flips. When the pope celebrates Mass, nobody shouts, "Benedict, Benedict, he's our man! If he can't sanctify 'em, nobody can!"
Steelers fans consider the game at least as important and holy. Here, cheerleaders would be a pointless distraction from what is truly life-and-death: football. And so, unfortunately, we won't have such colorful scandals.
At least until Big Ben runs off with Hines Ward.
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