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Steelers go country in 'rock' draft
Joe Starkey can be reached via e-mail or at 412-320-7810.
So, how about a rock draft?
Every rock/pop/country/rap singer of all-time is eligible -- and don't think for a second that any of them (dead or alive) couldn't have as much impact in the NFL as Ryan Leaf or Alonzo Jackson.
Here goes:
1. Texans: Elvis Presley, QB. Moves well in pocket. Weight tends to fluctuate. Crowd-pleaser. Fans hoping he's not another Elvis Grbac.
2. Saints: Jimi Hendrix, receiver. Has some off-field issues -- OK, he failed 365 drug tests in a single year -- but plays with fire. Does neat rendition of national anthem, too.
3. Titans: Sid Vicious, tailback. Whoa. He's not even on Kiper's board. Has great speed, which he'll take in pill or liquid form. Ran the 40 in 2.3 seconds at Combine. Has domestic issues, but, hey, who doesn't?
4. Jets: John Lennon, safety/QB/linebacker/punter. Imagine the possibilities.
5. Packers: Snoop Dogg, receiver. Makes up for poor hands with team-first attitude. A pillar in the community.
6. 49ers: Rod Stewart, QB/receiver. They don't call him "Kordell" for nothin'.
7. Raiders: Johnny Cash, tackle. Not much of a vertical jump, but Al Davis will love him.
8. Bills: Ray Charles, QB. Doesn't see the field real well, but, man, can he look off safeties. Definite upgrade on J.P. Losman.
9. Lions: Bob Dylan, cornerback. Poetry in motion. Needs work in weight room.
10. Cardinals: Roger Daltrey, QB. Who?
11. Rams: Neil Young, cornerback. Compensates for slight build with heart of gold.
12. Browns: Dolly Parton, tackle. Impressive upper-body strength.
13. Ravens: Boy George, QB. Tougher than Jeff George, obvious improvement on likes of Kyle Boller and Stoney Case.
14. Eagles: Freddie Mercury, defensive end. His teams always seem to be champions.
15. Broncos: Keith Richards, receiver. Best athlete available. Concern: Needs daily blood transfusion.
16. Dolphins: Bob Marley, tailback. Will remind you of Ricky Williams.
17. Vikings: Prince, tight end. Purple reigns.
18. Cowboys: Sir Elton John, punter. He'll be the second-flashiest guy on his team -- and if T.O. picked on Jeff Garcia, imagine what he'll do to this poor kid.
19. Chargers: Meat Loaf, center. Tremendous upside. Tremendous backside, too.
20. Chiefs: Michael Jackson, receiver. Wait until you see his TD celebrations.
21. Patriots: Justin Timberlake, safety. No discernible skills, but Belichick will get something out of him.
22. 49ers: Fats Domino, nose tackle. Could be next Ted Washington.
23. Bucs: Queen Latifah, nose tackle. Could be next Ted Washington.
24. Bengals: Iggy Pop, tailback. Will revive Iggy Shuffle.
25. Giants: Bruce Springsteen, fullback. How's he still on the board? One scout claims this guy was "born to run." Jersey fans will love him.
26. Bears: George Michael, safety. Exposed at Combine.
27. Panthers: James Brown, tailback. Great name for ball carrier; a feel-good pick.
28. Jaguars: Pete Townshend, cornerback. No relation to Deshea. Has odd habit of smashing helmet to pieces after games.
29. Jets: Frank Sinatra, receiver. Versatile, but tends to do things his way.
30. Colts: Mick Jagger, cornerback. Maybe he can show Colts how to get to Super Bowl. He was there last season. They weren't.
31. Seahawks: Janis Joplin, tight end. Tried to trade up for hometown kid Hendrix but settled for Joplin, who can't possibly drop as many passes as Jerramy Stevens.
32. Steelers: Hank Williams Jr., safety. Cowher's call.
